Have you ever checked out on some things you enjoyed doing when times got a little rough? For me, I checked out on writing once I got pregnant in January, 2022, and fell into despair. My life had just begun a new challenging path, although a new baby is a blessing, but feeling sick and staying at home raising kids without support was so hard. Pregnancy is hard in itself, but we had just moved our family to a new province in the winter, throughout the Covid lockdowns and I really needed to rely on God to carry me – it was not the best time of my life.
I feel like I lost passion for life somewhat, and ambition to do things I would normally be excited about doing. Have I lost my way? Have I lost my faith? At times I floundered, lacking hope, but I keep going, trying to maintain a sense of purpose, reading the Bible with the girls in the mornings, and keeping some form of balance in our home.
My husband was out of work until March, and he was also depressed and feeling a lack of purpose and motivation. Moving to Quebec was darker in the winter than Alberta was, so that didn’t help us too much, as I really missed the sunny winter days. We were without regular income, and without our regular health products for a time, so that was a disappointment.
Then, when all hope was almost lost, my husband landed a great job working from home, which was good because we only had one vehicle, and I really needed to get out with the children. We had so much debt to recover from, and his job was paid in American currency, so it was more than we had hoped for. Praise God! The darkness was lifting! Then, I contacted my old employer from before I had children, a corporate travel agency, and they gave me a part-time job from home. I was re-certified and trained and could bring in an income to help with expenses, and furnishing our home.
Just when all hope seemed lost – how many times have I been here? Many times… Relationships hurt when these hard times come knocking at your door, with the uncertainty of the future, all the while knowing God’s goodness and faithfulness never fails us. He makes everything beautiful in it’s time, not on my timeline, but he still does it. There can be conflict in the home, that may seem unbearable, but then the fog lifts, and hope, love, and trust is restored. I press into God in my brokenness and He shines through the darkness, and I press on, forgive, leave pain at His feet, and start again.
So here we are, summer is almost finished, and I have survived a long pregnancy! We are ready for the miracle of our little baby girl any week now! I would like my old body back, so I can have the energy, motivation, and strength to be active again.
Who have I become while pregnant? It’s like I’m a different person, but I know I’ll spring back in time. Patience – that and remembering to be greatful, has to be learned in this process. Love that conquers all fear…that is what I need!
